Research-based approach to relationship — Where our relationship questions come from and why

The Gottman Institute is dedicated to combining wisdom from research and practice to support and strengthen marriages, families, and relationships. It brings the knowledge of research to therapists — and the insight of therapists to researchers.

Due to The Gottman Institute’s extensive research, Date Outside the Box is using their Quality Deck and resources as conversation guides for couples.

One approach that they are known for is the Gottman Method that includes a thorough assessment of the couple relationship and integrates research-based interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed the following nine components of healthy relationships known as The Sound Relationship House Theory.

Build Love Maps

How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?

Share Fondness and Admiration

The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)

Turn Towards Instead of Away

State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship. When your partner elicits your attention, give him or her that courtesy.

The Positive Perspective

Focus on the positive and optimistic sides of issues when managing conflict with your partner. Regardless of how many times you have the same issue, seek to find a positive solution.

Manage Conflict

When it comes to conflict, there are always ongoing issues and solitary events. These situations require different management strategies. Knowing which events are which will help build a healthy marriage relationship.

Make Life Dreams Come True

Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.

Create Shared Meaning

Similar to inside jokes and understanding your partner without having to verbalize what he or she is thinking, being privy to mutual ideas, stories, and visions for your relationship can keep you and your partner on the same page.


Trust must be the foundation of any successful relationship. Your partner needs to feel that you are on their side regardless of the situation.


If you and your partner don’t feel completely and utterly committed to one another for the long haul, it will be difficult to work through any problems together.

The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication, increase intimacy, respect, and affection, remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy in conflicting situations, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.

Over the last four decades, Dr. John Gottmann has developed this approach that not only supports and repairs troubled marriages and committed relationships, but strengthens happy ones. And this is exactly why we decided to use them as an inspiration to our customers. We are not using them as ‘therapy’, but instead to encourage more interesting discussions between a couple. If you want to get to know more about it, watch this:

Please follow us on Instagram to get some more inspirational impulses!

The Gottman Institute. (2019, August 26). Our Mission — About. Retrieved November 30, 2020, from

Frederic, C. (2017, June 21). 10 Things To Know About Gottman. Retrieved November 30, 2020, from

WeCounsel. (2018, July 10). A Brief Overview of the Gottman Method. Retrieved November 30, 2020, from

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